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Letting Go of the Fear

January 9, 2013

Hello! This week’s post is going to be short and sweet (a rarity for me…), since I’m fresh off a fantastic weekend with our favorite Merskank and I’m flat out exhausted. It was WONDERFUL to have a fellow princess come stay (especially one who suggests cross country ski mountain adventures) and I can’t begin to explain how nice it was to have another 20-something in the house.

As much as I love my parents and my recent quilting endeavor, it was good to be reminded how essential it is to be around good friends. The last time I saw any of the Naughty Princesses in person was Snow Whore’s wedding in September. It was a bitter sweet time, wishing my friend the best of luck with her prince and then watching the four of us jet off to our 4 different corners of the world. Seeing Merskank again brought up all those old mannerisms, college memories and Trivial Pursuit board games that just can’t really happen over Skype, the phone or Facebook.

I have friends here in Utah. Best friends. People I’ve known since high school, middle school and even before elementary. But ever since I’ve been back it has felt a little bit like work to see them. Once we’re together we always have fun, but getting out the door is harder than I’d like it to be. I’ve been telling myself it’s because this time in my life is a break, a time to regroup and figure out what I want and who I want to be. But I know I could do that and still meet people I love at a bar on Friday night. So why do I do the bare minimum to maintain friendships that I would never forgive myself for losing?

Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid to make the transition from long-distance friends to in-person ones. I’m afraid I’ll drift away from my Seattle life or that I’ll get too attached to Utah life. I’m afraid that I’ll miss out on this chance to spend real time with my family, or that my job will get to be too time consuming. I’m afraid that these renewed in-person friendships with long-distance friends won’t actually be as good as before; I’m afraid that I’ll meet more people who I’ll have to miss if I go.

But I don’t want to be afraid. Seeing Merskank reminded me of what I had in Seattle, close friends who were effortless to be around and always up for an adventure. Wandering with her around my new, old home, she showed me that I can have all that in-person friendship here too, albeit with different people. So as of today (well maybe tomorrow. SLEEP.) I’m going to really work on letting go of fear. Just because I might move in the next 6 months doesn’t mean I can’t make some really good memories in the meantime. Now is the best moment of my life and I know relationships are worth eventually having to say goodbye.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. thelittlemerskank permalink*
    January 11, 2013 4:50 am

    I am so glad you had a good time, Sleeping Booty! It was great to get to see you in the flesh. And I think you are totally right: never live by fear. You cannot relive the past with your friends, some things will always be different– but that doesn’t mean it won’t be awesome! Take a leap.

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