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Stuck on Rewind

March 2, 2013

jerkSo. I am not sure if you all remember but the last time I posted about, well, guys was the rather intense Lady Mareena Encounters Even Worse Troubles.  That chapter did, I believe, prove that Lady Mareena’s story is well named.  Of course, you got the story in romance-novel paraphrase but you get the gist.  Herman was a real jerk.

So I wrote him a rather angry (although I think also justified) letter which basically said: no, I did not want to be friends and p.s. you suck as a person.  Okay, well I didn’t use those words, but you get the idea.

So–fast forward–Herman is still a jerk.   At least, I think so.  We haven’t really been talking, but its not like he has apologised or anything.  So, the verdict is: as much a jerk as ever.   But now, things are strange.   The after-the-fact anger has worn off; I don’t really feel like I am holding a grudge.  I just, well, don’t like him.   But, the fact of the matter is that we work at the same place, if only part time.  So we run into each other and the question arises: how should we treat each other?  Now, if you knew me in real life, not just over the interweb, you would know that I hate conflict.  I hate it.  Indeed, even sending an angry letter was a significant endeavor for me.  And really, I would never have done it if Herman hadn’t been, well, such a jerk (I am sure you are getting the point by now).  So.  Where does this leave us?  Well, it leaves me keeping my distance—imagine oceans—but generally being, well, nice.

In summary: I’ve realized things are, on the surface at least, exactly the same as they were this time last year.  It’s like somehow the clock has been magically rolled back—not just our big, bad conversation that happened last fall—but the whole, thing, the entire shang-bang, a complete yearAnd man, although I know in my head things are different now than then, it just feels strange.  It’s like having déjà vu.  It’s like I get to watch my past-self interact with his past-self.  Luckily, my present self (or should I say future self?) is there too—watching over me—making sure I don’t make the same mistakes again.  At least I better not.

But yeah, I don’t know how long this cordial distance can keep going.   But for the moment, it is fine by me.


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