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March Condition of the Month – We are Princesses

March 5, 2013

Naughty Princesses Assemble! We’ve been at this whole blogging thing for a few months now (so far so good??) and I figured it was time you folks learned a bit more about the four of us and why we go by the pseudonyms we do! And while our royal appointments that fateful November night really had much more to do with hair color than anything, now 5 years later these naughty identities have become a greater part of us than we ever could have predicted.  

So for our March Condition of the Month I’ve asked my fellow princesses to give you fine folk some insight into our characters and what being a naughty princess means. But before we dive in I want to clarify one quick thing.

If you ever watch commercials anymore (I know they’re SO out) you’ve seen the new I am a Princess ad that is working its booty off to rehabilitate the Disney Princess image. We all know that in recent years the term princess has taken on some… negative connotations… and they’re not unjustified. People say they teach an impossible ideal of beauty, a sexist view of waiting to be saved by a man and a one-dimensional aspect of personality. But, like the ad says, these classics teach much more than finding a one true love and as you will see below, it’s about what you take from the character, not what the character takes from you. And while I’m sure Disney’s motive is more financial than inspirational, I still can’t help but be glad to see princesses coming back in favor, long may we reign.

cinderslut tile (2)Cinderslut:

Top 5 reasons I identify with my princess

  1. She’s blonde
  2. She looks great in blue
  3. She was an insecure nobody before the prince found her. That is, she wasn’t one of the popular kids.
  4. She was good at following orders and rules
  5. She appreciates inner beauty more than outer beauty

Aside from the obvious similarities between Cinderslut and Cinderella, namely that we’re blonde and blue is definitely our color, I also find her to be something of a kindred spirit. Both of us were never part of the popular crowd and were ostracized somewhat by our peers (evil stepsisters). But, we got through it by going with the flow and doing our best at whatever we could, even if it was just mopping the floors. But the thing I like best about Cinderella is that she always could recognize and appreciate internal beauty. She knew she wasn’t as high up and privileged as her stepsisters, but she didn’t want to be them, not truly. She saw them for what they were: ugly on the inside. Instead of dwelling on what she couldn’t have, she surrounded herself with friends who were good-hearted and cared about her, and that’s what I have always tried to do. Even if some of the perks of the step-sisters’ lifestyle would have made me jealous, I’d prefer my true friends any day.

But my namesake and I are not identical. The biggest difference I see is that Cinderella is just flat-out good. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, whereas I have at least half a ribcage full. She never struck back at her oppressors, and she was consistently self-sacrificing. But I, on the other hand, would have ripped Drizella’s ugly face off if she tried to keep me from that ball. So, you know, different strokes for different folks. I mean, that’s why I’m Cinderslut, not Cinderella. I have a bit of a dark side.

images (1)

What about my man, how does he stack up to Cinderella’s fairytale prince? Well, at first I couldn’t really think of any similarities. But then I found one: both are persistent, and it is that persistence that resulted in a happily-ever-after. Cinderella’s prince got a glimpse of his dream girl, and he wouldn’t stop until he had her back. The same thing happened with my husband and me after I broke his heart. He still loved me and wouldn’t give up, and although it took a little more than sliding a slipper onto my foot to bring me back, eventually I did let him put a ring on my finger. At some points before we got back together I considered him a stalker, rather like Cinderella’s prince who literally goes door-to-door until he finds her. But I guess that just proves that there’s a fine line between a stalker situation and a fairy-tale romance. And I’d say Cinderella and I both lucked out on that one and ended up with the prince, not the predator.

sleeping booty tileSleeping Booty

Top Five Reasons I identify with my princess

  1. Blonde. Yes I’m blonde. And I’ve got a booty to boot.
  2. I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. Until about a year ago I despised going to sleep and would stay up till 4am just because I could. The world is so exciting! There is always something to do! My worst nightmare would be to miss out on all those years like Aurora did. FOMO FO SHO! But lately I’ve been eyeing the clock by 9pm, though now that I think about it I did prick myself with a needle the other day…
  3. I love the name Aurora. It’s beautiful and bad ass and reminds me of the magic that is the aurora borealis (not to mention it is somewhat similar to my real life name, which is also bad ass).
  4. Someday my prince will come. Well maybe. But I do agree with the general concept that cosmic goodness helps things come together and that someday I’ll have things figured out. Life is beautiful and somehow I’ll realize where I need to be.
  5. She doesn’t mind being alone. She grew up in the middle of nowhere and never resigned herself to unhappiness. In the midst of nature she found herself, and when I’m wandering the woods that is when I feel at home too.


As for what I don’t like about Aurora, I obviously don’t love that she waited around so often, waiting to turn 16, waiting to meet her prince, waiting to be saved from the dragon witch. But I can’t really blame her, waiting around is a hard habit to break, and I definitely don’t have it all together all the time. I often feel like I’m waiting for my life to begin.

And as for the future, I’m going to have my fun with Eric. As far as I can remember the other princes are always so fashionable and put together, even the beast is always dressed to the nines. I want to climb cliffs and jump into the ocean and run through the meadow until we’re covered in mud. I love that he takes action to save his friends from danger and is always talking out loud trying to puzzle things out. Eric and I would sail the world with our big slobbery dog, visiting friends and setting off fireworks.

little merskank tile


 How do I identify with my princess?  Well I feel like I sort of already wrote a post on this.  But aside from the basic things, like my red hair and the fact that I love mermaids, I would say that I also identify with Ariel’s enthusiasm for life.  She has so much energy and zeal!  It is inspiring.  Although I have down days, like everyone does, I like to think I am a pretty positive person.  I love my life—I feel so blessed every day that I get to spend my time doing what I love and what excites me. 

 How am I not like Ariel?  Well, I am definitely not as impulsive as her.   Ariel’s impulsiveness gets her into trouble, so I am not sure it is really a quality I need to emulate but sometimes I worry I go too far the opposite direction.  I can be too rational, too staid—dare I say it?—perhaps even boring. Sometimes you just need to go for something, and not think twice.  Another way I like to hope I am not like Ariel (maybe I am only dreaming here) is that her entire focus seems to be on men.  I mean, the minute Eric walked on stage it was like her friends, her family, her life—it was all out the window.  I think I am still waiting for my Eric to make this entrance, but I like to think that even now I have things and people in my life that are important, and that I won’t jettison the second some guy wins my heart.  


The best prince?  Definitely, the beast.  I mean he has his flaws- he can’t control his temper after all- but he seems the most human (ha!) of all the princes.  I feel like we never really get to know Prince Charming, or the Cinderella’s prince (what was his name?) or Eric.  They just feel like place-holders. The beast on the other hand not only has a personality, but he changes and grows over time.  Plus, that scene where he has Belle close her eyes and leads her into the library: talk about best Disney scene ever! Not only is the library totally gorgeous, but it shows that he knows her—he has taken the time to see who she is and what makes her happy.  None of the other princes in Disney movies ever do that. So yes, the beast is the best.  And my happy ending, well, that big, beautiful library sounds pretty tempting… just me, the beast, and pile full of books!  Sounds like a happily ever after to me!

snowwhore tileSnow Whore

Ok, so I’m going to be honest. I don’t really feel like I identify with Snow White at all. I am happy with my princess name, but it is not because I love Snow White, it’s just because the name is clever. Snow White has always been my least favorite Disney movie, mostly because whoever did the voice of Snow White has one of the most annoying voices in the history of mankind. So when I think of Snow White, all I think of is her high pitched squeaking, and the enormous amount of vibrato she has when singing. Am I watching a Disney movie, or am I at the opera? Come on people! But I generally forgive Disney because that was their first full length movie and they were still figuring things out.  Also, even apart from the annoying voice, Snow White is the weakest princess, and I definitely do not want to identify with that. All she does is run away, and then clean house.  Instead, I tend to run straight into people, and leave my house with some very healthy clutter.  


Now as for my favorite Disney prince, it’s Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty all the way. He rides a horse, waltzes in the forest, and kills a dragon.  Enough Said. I’ve definitely had many a fantasy of being surprised by my own prince in the forest, swept into his arms, and serenaded as we dance the afternoon away. I even tried to convince my husband to learn to waltz so we could recreate that scene. It would have worked if only he had any rhythm.

Since this is my condition of the month I get to have the final word. Princesses Rule.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 5, 2013 1:52 pm

    lol. Twinzie, you and I would be the only ones to make lists, I’m glad your dark side has backbone-a lot of times they don’t. Merskank you’re EVERYTHING except boring, 54 footnotes! And Snow Whore you really don’t like ANYTHING about your girl?! Cause i think you sing all the time and like apples and could easily make friends with a bunch of random strangers.

    • thelittlemerskank permalink*
      March 6, 2013 11:56 pm

      Great post, Sleeping Booty!

      But yes, I also feel the need to put in a couple of words of defense for Snow White. If she were my princess there are several things I might point at to mark us as admirable. One being the fact that she loves animals– and animals are the best! The second thing is that she comes across as pretty fearless and self-empowered, in her own way. I mean, imagine yourself alone, friendless, and lost in a wood. Less than a day later she has found her way into friendship and a home– really only by her own initiative. So yeah- I think Snow Whore was being a little too harsh on her totem princess.

      My only other point is very nit-picky, but, Cinderella never wears blue in the movie, Cinderslut! Her dress is white! Get your fact right 🙂

      • March 8, 2013 4:42 am

        Well, in every other representation of her, like advertisements, dolls, and google images, she’s wearing blue. Because she looks great in it!

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