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Where Do I Go From Here?

September 24, 2014

I know everyone is probably sick of hearing me post about work. But unfortunately, it continues to be the eternal thorn in my side. For the longest time, work was stressful because we were so understaffed and I was doing multiple positions by myself. Now its stressful because our new manager refuses to learn anything about how we actually operate, while the upper management has suddenly decided to operate via a chain of screaming. You can imagine how pleasant that is.
Things have gotten so ridiculous lately that every time I go into work it feels like a poison environment where the negativity is pushing down oppressively til I feel like I can’t breathe. Everything is such a mess and I find myself just fighting to keep some semblance of order and positive energy, not even for myself but for my team, so that they don’t feel completely hopeless themselves. But I’ve got to tell you, its hard to keep up sometimes when I feel so burdened myself. I’ve had multiple people on my team tell me recently that if I wasn’t here, they would leave. So I want to be here to keep protecting them, but at the same time I don’t know how much longer I can keep any of this up.
And so I find myself wondering: Where do I go from here? Should I earnestly start looking for another job? Should I stay knowing that I’m providing something valuable to my team, even though its hard on me? And these questions are complicated by the fact that I’m still the main breadwinner for my family right now. I can’t quit my job unless I have another one that pays at least as much, if not more than I’m making now. But that seems like a difficult task, knowing that at my current job I had to start at the bottom and work my way up. But I can’t afford to work my way up again. I guess I have more management experience now, but I don’t necessarily feel like I want another position that is going to be similar to what I’m doing now. Plus, I absolutely loathe job searching. I hate making resumes, I really hate cover letters, and I really really hate how obnoxiously long and repetitive the entire process is. And since I’m already miserable I don’t relish the thought of making myself more miserable in my free time by filling out job applications.
The only bright spot is that on Sunday I am taking a much deserved vacation. I have 2 weeks off and I am road tripping with the Hubby down to visit Sleeping Booty and do some camping. I cannot wait to be free from all the negativity. I need this so much. Maybe the time away will give me some clarity. I’ll just have to wait and see.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 25, 2014 6:29 am

    I know how you feel working in a poisonous environment. It’s the reason I’m choosing to leave my current job.

  2. September 25, 2014 11:05 am

    Boo to work negativity! It’s so lame that things haven’t improved with the change in management. They are really lucky to have you. But YAY for vacations! I am so excited that you and Booty will be together at the same time Merskank and I are together in the UK!!!

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