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I’m Too Young for This Shit

February 13, 2014

Recently Snow Whore shared her Murtaugh List—the things she’s outgrown and can’t be bothered with as a twenty-something. I loved her post, and it inspired me to respond: here’s my list of things I’m simply too young to be doing, yet, somehow I am.

You may remember that I’m in a bit of an odd situation right now, living at home with my parents for a 5-month stint while wrapping up my Master’s degree and student teaching at my former high school. With my husband thousands of

Hey, look! A young Alex Trebek!

Hey, look! A young Alex Trebek!

miles away in Saudi Arabia, and my friend group mostly scattered and out of reach on a daily basis, I’ve developed some odd past-times, which brings us to #1 and #2:

1. I am too young to spend my Friday nights watching Jeopardy. My little brother and I are both long-time fans of the show, and we’ve taken to watching it quite frequently, especially on Friday nights. I can’t tell you how relaxing it is to sit back and listen to Alex Trebek’s voice while answering trivia questions. I honestly enjoy it quite a bit, but inside I cringe a little, knowing that I have exchanged my fellow twenty-somethings, sleepovers, bars, and night-life in general for quality time with my nerdy little brother and a 73-year old game show host.

2. I am too young to do embroidery. That’s right, oddly enough since returning home I’ve rekindled an interest in a hobby I dabbled in as a pre-teen: cross-stitch. I’m currently in the process of cross-stitching a sweater for my mother-in-law, and it’s honestly one of my favorite things to do, even though it kills my eyes after a while, prompting me to reach for my MAGNIFYING GLASS NECKLACE. Literally, it’s a big plastic magnifier that grannies wear around their necks for use while working on crafts like this. I may be proud of my crafting efforts, but it was still a low moment when I spent five minutes squinting and trying to thread my needle, thinking to myself, “Am I going blind?”

emrboidery Geriatric hobbies aside, there are a few other things in my life that have me feeling a tad panicky, like a kid being prodded in the door to the first day of Kindergarten who desperately wants to go home and take a nap with her security blanket. Adulthood is on me, a full-blown case of it, despite the fact that I currently live with my parents. And adulthood brings with it wonderful things, like the trip to the gynecologist I’ve been avoiding for years.

3. I am too young to be okay with people sticking instruments and hands up my vagina. Well, technically I am not too young for this kind of doctor’s appointment, since I’ve been overdue for this checkup for a while. But still, even though I was kind of impressed when the doctor said, “Your ovaries feel great,” that doesn’t mean I wasn’t wishing I was just there for a quick tune-up, not the deluxe lube service. The good news is, I apparently don’t have cervical cancer. So, worth it? Thank-god I’m not due for another one for another three years…maybe I’ll feel old enough by then.

While I was at the gyno she asked me if I was planning a pregnancy any time soon. I said no. But that’s another thing that has to be included on the list of things I’m too young for.

4. I am too young to procreate.  I am currently attending a small group in which all the other women have kids or are currently pregnant. It’s fine, but I always leave the discussions secretly glad that I’m still childless and free. Sure, there are times when having a baby sounds great, but most of the time I still feel too young. Because, shoot, when you have kids of your own, that’s got to make you feel old.

My husband has a “real job,” and hopefully one day soon I will too. Like one that actually pays me! But real jobs require retirement accounts, taxes, investments, and all kinds of stuff I don’t really want to think about, even if I know it is important, which leads me to my last point:

5. I am too young to buy a house. Recently my husband charged me with the task of researching the housing market and “finding us a house to buy.” We’ve been wanting to invest and do something more with our money that letting it sit in the bank, where it inevitably loses value. And everyone keeps saying that “now is a great housetime to buy!” But I feel utterly unprepared for this task. The idea of owning an asset worth so much money is really daunting. I have a list of questions a mile long. I know the only way to become more informed is to actually do that research, but the kid in me just wants to turn the other way and put this step off for another 5 years.

And did I mention that I observe a strict 9:00 bed time? Yep, I’m feeling old, despite the fact that as a 25-year old I should be in the prime of my life. I guess I can only hope that when I really am an old granny, I’ll be able to tap back into my inner twenty-something.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. snowwhore permalink*
    February 17, 2014 10:06 pm

    My problem is that I don’t think I’ll EVER be old enough to buy a house. I look at our finances now and I just can’t even imagine a future where I have enough money saved up for a house down payment.


  1. So, I Bought a House… | Twenty Something Condition
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