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Five Things I’m Too Damn Sober For

November 15, 2014

A while back both Cindy and Snow wrote posts on a few things they’re too old/young for (seriously, passive aggression is never good) and after having an eventful house party last weekend I have a list of my own I’d like to share. Here follows

5 Things I’m Too Damn Sober For

1. Puking in the bathroom at someone else’s home – A friend of mine invited her cousin to our party and while he was only mildly annoying at first, after a few glasses of wine, shots and more than a few rejections from women, he locked himself in our bathroom and puked for over an hour. We barely got the 27 year old upstairs and into a cab and as we watched him drive away I realized I was too sober to be dealing with people I don’t love puking in my bathroom.

2. Trying to Feel Sexual Validation From Same-sex Close Friends – In college it was almost a weekly thing to get hit on by our friends, and I can understand why a few of my friends would ask someone trusted like me to ‘experiment’ with. But I always let my drunken friends down easy, because I knew they only really wanted to kiss me so they could tell their boyfriends they had later. But at our party this weekend a friend of mine got pretty drunk and started coming on to me, not because she wanted to experiment or because she really wanted me, but because she was lonely and wanted validation. Again I let her down easy and put her to bed, but I’m seriously sick of women thinking it is okay to hit on their friends casually. What if I’d really liked her? She could have just ruined our friendship over a drunken fling. If she was a guy would it be okay? Which brings me to me next complaint:

3. Being Drunk as an Excuse for Acting Poorly – If we had madeout what happens in the morning? She’d say it was just a drunken thing, nothing to be taken seriously, or she’d pretend it never happened. I’m too sober to blame my actions on anyone or thing other than myself. Some goes for being rude to other people or saying things you normally wouldn’t. If you want to do something do it, but don’t get so drunk as to convince yourself that you aren’t in complete control at all times.

4. Drunken Hookups – I may not have a ton of relationship/sex experience but I do know that I don’t want to meet a guy at a party and then find a back room with him. Sure I could see a handhold, a dance, and in the perfect circumstances I could even be convinced into a kiss, but I’ve seen enough drunken hookups go bad that I’ve learned a worthy hookup can wait a day. One of my roommates at our party went in her room with a guy who she had just witnessed makeout with another random girl he’d just met. He used the I’m drunk and didn’t mean to kiss that other girl excuse and she bought it, choosing present validation instead of knowing her own worth. I’m too sober to watch my friends make dumb decisions like that.

5. All Day Hangovers – To be clear I am definitely not a sober person, I have a glass or two of wine a few nights a week and at our party I was sufficiently buzzed all night, rarely to be seen without a glass in my hand – I even took a few shots. But at this point in my life I’m too sober to get wasted and be sick for the subsequent 36 hours. Sure I appreciate a lazy Sunday or eating greasy food at 11am, but there is life to be lived during the day, and I’m not going to just call the day after a party a wash and sleep through it.

Drinking is awesome, I love it, but why haven’t other people figured out that MODERATION is the best of both worlds?

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. snowwhore permalink*
    November 15, 2014 1:49 pm

    I can totally relate to this. I don’t think getting drunk enough to be a total idiot is ever worth it. Why can’t people just be happy being a little buzzed? I understand when you’re 21 and figuring alcohol out and going a little crazy in college, but I don’t understand the desire to continue to get wasted as an adult.

  2. November 16, 2014 7:59 am

    Agreed! Moderation is key, especially at a house party. It’s a little too intimate a scene to go wild and out.

  3. November 17, 2014 5:02 am

    I couldn’t agree more. Seems like the party will always be more enjoyable WITHOUT those five things you listed!

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